Well it was fun

As most of my 6 faithful readers have noticed, I haven’t posted much in a while. I don’t know if it’s lack of inspiration or lack of time thats keeping me away, but either way I probably won’t be posting too much anymore. Maybe something here or there. Take care all ^^

YAY!!!! My first official angsty commenter…guy…thing

So I haven’t written anything for a while. I know I know….my few readers must be heartbroken right? Right? Guess not…However while I was in the shower today I heard my Blackberry’s E-mail ringtone go off. After finishing said shower I hopped out only to see that yours truly had a comment on his blog. Now…seeing as how I haven’t written anything in forever, this stuck me as a little odd. IMAGINE my surprise when I checked the comment to see that my old friend Bernie had left me a comment. (For the record. I don’t really know Bernie. He’s a random reader with serious issues who was dumb enough to take the previous article seriously)

So this is a cut and paste of what my dear old buddy left me on my last blog…I didn’t edit this in any way shape or form…and clearly Bernie still hasn’t discovered spell check. But let’s not hold that against him.

“what a pathetic blog, comparing yourselves to NFL stars, don’t you have any pride and sense of reality? no to say that NFL are worthles, on the contrary, how out can you be to try and compare a bunch of checkers with true winners? Are your lifes so worthles that the only way you try to give them some value is by thinking that being the best cashier in the store has anything to do with a sports star? get real.”

 Now Bernie and I go way back. Back when we were in elementary school together we knew of each other but rarely interacted. I think it was the pink Hello Kitty plastic lunchbox that might have kept me from talking to him. (Most of my friends know of my extreme fear of the white cartoon cat) So I forgive Bernie for his little rant. He never really had any friends to speak of. But wearing your hair in pigtails and rocking a schoolgirl skirt every day tends to scare people off.

I feel I should explain why Bernie is the way he is. His home life was extremely traumatic. Him and his two fathers lived in a cardboard box behind Sears in downtown Seattle. It was a nice box though, refrigerators provide for a lot of space. He was routinely beaten with a rather large trout for dressing as Wonder Woman and dancing around with a piece of string he called his “Magic Lasso”. 

After moving out of his family’s three room box, Bernie went on to college. He went S.U. Stanford University? No. South Caroline University? No. Syracuse University? No. Bernie graduated from the illustrious Subway University with a degree in Sammich Artistry. However he has moved up in the world, he currently works at McDonald’s. And although he can’t spell “Worthless”, “Lives” or form a grammatically correct sentence, he has learned to say “Would you like fries with that?”. Baby steps people…Baby Steps.

Bernie! Buddy! Pal! Give me a call sometime. We can go visit your old neighborhood…and by neighborhood I mean alley. Tell your fathers I said “Hi” and don’t worry….I heard the cat you raped is recovering nicely at the local vet.

Your Seattle Seahawks/QFC Employees

Everybody knows Seattle’s most successful sports franchise. The Seahawks the model of what a good and ethical organization should be. Often forgoing talent for character the Seahawks have managed to maintain a solid core of hard working and morally outstanding individuals. Your local QFC located on the corner of 5th and Mercer in Seattle is much the same. Your friendly neighborhood grocery store maintains a solid core of highly talented employees that maintain an efficiency and camaraderie that rival our NFL counterparts.

So as any responsible writer would do. I have compiled a list…a comparison if you will, of your local employees and the Seahawks that they best represent. You may say this is another random blog by yours truly, nonsensical rambling and crazy notions that make no sense. Now while I don’t deny any of my previous blogs consist of these characteristics, I assure you this one is not one of those.

This blog is so much more. This blog is about giving credit to those that are so often overlooked. The average customer walks into a store and looks around, noticing how well their custom cake was dec0rated, how clean their steak was cut and how fast they were checked out at the checkstand. That same customer usually thinks that the management is solely responsible for how good everything looks. And while that may be true, the underlings all to often get overlooked. I merely wish to point out what an amazing team looks like.

Ryan / Lofa Tatupu:
 

Ryan is one of the younger front end coordinators in QFC. His QFC pedigree is in his blood as his father is the very successful store manager of another store. Organizing the front end, Ryan is one of the best in the business. He dictates the checkers and baggers assignments with the same ease that Lofa Tatupu changes the defensive assignments of one of the NFL’s best linebacking cores. Both are slightly undersized, but more than make up for it with intelligence and leadership.

Jeremy / John Carlson:
 
Unless you come in late at night or on a weekend, you most likely will not see Jeremy. The young and talented Deli clerk shares more than a few talents with the highly toted Seahawks tight end. His stature is so tall, he looks down on most, both are blonde, and according to most of the female co workers and Seahawks fans, both are blessed by boyish good looks. Both Jeremy and John will prove to be valuable to QFC and the Seahawks for many years to come.  

 

 

 

Frank /  Walter Jones:

Arguably the most talented and knowledgeable meat manager in all of QFC.  A former high school offensive lineman himself, Frank is no stranger to a little shoving. His ability and athleticism are unquestioned, much like the alpha tackle of the Seahawks. A veteran of QFC, Frank has seen everything the industry has to offer and will continue to set the standard for quality product and customer service.

Meghan / Marcus Trufant
 
Meghan is blessed with one of the toughest jobs in the store. Number five on the management totem pole, Meghan is blessed with the unique ability to handle every little job above her that the managers either don’t want to or don’t have time to do. Much like her Trufant is slated with one of the hardest jobs on the field, guarding the opposition’s top receivers. Without Meghan the work would pile up to an insurmountable amount. 

Anthony / T.J Houshmandzadeh

One of QFC’s new up and coming young talents, Anthony matches up to the newest member of the Seahawks in talent and work ethic. Arguably the hardest working bagger I’ve ever seen, his potential is astronomical. A cross country star for his high school, to say he’s fast would be a gross understatement. A more approprite comparison would be to say he’s so fast Wile E Coyote should be chasing him on a giant rocket.

Dexx / Patrick Kearney:
 
Both incredibly talented, clean cut and just good guys, Patrick and Dexx elevate the abilities of everyone around them. A member of the same night crew as his best friend Nate, Dexx is more than capable to step up when a manager is absent. Such is his attitude and demeanor, you would be hard pressed to find someone who would speak ill of Dexx.

Heidi / Brett Favre:
 
The only QFC employee not comparable to a Seahawk, our assistant bakery manager is more that deserving of being compared to the greatest quarterback of all time. A huge Farve fan herself, Heidi is both tough as nails and a warm and caring individual underneath that exterior. Defending the employees underneath her, Heidi shares that same leadership that made Brett so loved throughout the years.

Delieon / Nate Burleson:

The stats speak for themselves when referring to both Delieon and Nate. Almost winning QFC’s vaunted “Best Bagger” award at the bag off last year, Delieon’s speed and accuracy is rarely in question. Similar in ability and attitude alike, both Delieon and Nate are outgoing and gregarious, talking a big game. But if you can back it up….is that really a bad thing?

Alex / Deon Branch:
 
Arguably one of the most talented young produce clerks in the entire company, Alex is top notch. Unfortunatly a couple injuries have kept him sidelined. Alex is currently on the disabled list, but upon his return look for the absolute dominance reminiscent of Deon Branch when he’s healthy.

Roberto / Seneca Wallace:
 
Hands down the second fastest checker, he’s younger and has more potential than the first. Just as stylish in dress and appearance as Seneca, Roberto should be appearing in the pages of GQ magazine rather than checking in a grocery store. Sitting and waiting in the wings for the top checker to go down, Roberto could easily step up and take the title of starting quarterback.

Greg / Lawerence Jackson:
 
One of youngest and most talented assistant seafood managers in all of QFC, the company expects great things from him, much like the Seahawks expect out of the second year defensive end out of USC. Just as strong and quick as “Lo-Jack” Greg dominates his department with ease and style. His customers have nothing but good things to say about him, despite the fact he dressed as Steve Urkel for Halloween.

Nate / Owen Schmidt:
 
Both blessed with rugged intensity and physical tools to dominate anything that crosses their path. Nate can throw freight with the most talented night crews in the company. Owen Schmidt played with such a mean streak in college opponents feared his ferocious blocks much the way the freight that arrives at night fears Nate’s stocking ability. Not to be messed with, Nate and Owen are both a force to be reckoned with.

Micheal / Olindo Mare:

The most experienced checker in the entire store, Michael brings more to the table than just checking speed. Both his customers and managers agree that Micheal’s leadership, attitude and knowledge is indispensable. Olindo’s years of experience in the NFL while maintaining his high level of performance give to the Seahawks what Michael brings to the checking team of QFC. 

Heath / Matt Hasselbeck:
 
Oh c’mon? You were expecting something different? Matt’s biggest fan and the fastest checker in the store, yours truly is more than deserving of this title. Plus it’s my blog. So HA!!! To further illustrate my point. If the Seahawks quarterback shows up in my store while I’m working, I will gladly shave my head to match his. Now THAT’S leadership…and modesty.

Character or payday?

I have a problem. Sports. Certain aspects of sports have bothered me for a while, years even. If you ask any of my friends I talk about sports with they’ll tell you I’ve always emphasized character over talent when it comes to recruiting players. However it seems nowadays that finding good character players are hard to come by. Every media outlet you turn to shows you another athlete getting into trouble.

I had a debate with one of the most knowledgeable people I know when it comes to sports (Yes you KC) and I mentioned how much it was bothering me. My point was simply this. I believe pro athletes have a moral obligation to the future athletes of America. They should be held to a higher standard because of what they do and the influence that they have over small children. He disagrees saying that they’re just people and should be treated as such, which is actually a very legit point.

Following are some of the incidents that triggered my recent distaste for the majority of professional atheletes.

Rae Carruth: ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rae_Carruth )
Wide receiver for the Carolina Panthers in 1997…this stellar SOB drove a car in a drive by shooting. Targeting his pregnant girlfriend. While the doctors were not able to save her, they were able to save the child…although the premature birth left her with cerebral palsy.

Leonard Little: ( http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Ten-years-later-Leonard-Little-is-sorry-for-kil?urn=nfl,80784)
Defensive end for the St Louis Rams. While driving drunk he ran a red light and hit another car, killing the mother driving it. His half hearted apology included a story about hiding in his mother’s basement, crying over what he did and the guilt involved. 6 years later he was picked up for another DUI…Total prison sentence:90 days in jail, 4 years probation and 1000 hours community service.

Michael Vick: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Vick#Dog_fighting_investigations)
Quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons. We all remember him. Illegal dog fighting ring? However he did close to 2 years in prison while Little only did 90 days. And Little killed a person, not an animal!

The list goes on and on beyond football. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_professional_athletes_who_have_been_convicted_of_crimes

Now a few short days later I realized why I’ve been so down on pro athletes. The media chooses too show primarily negative stories. Why? Because that’s what we watch. People crave any kind of dirt on celebrities. Why? Is it jealousy? Do we want to feel like they suffer from the same things we do? Either way…they don’t focus on what they should be focusing on.

Brett Favre:
What can you really say about Brett Favre? You can make an easy case he’s the greatest quarterback the NFL has ever seen. His consecutive games streak? His touchdowns? His boyish love for the game? Or how bout the fact that during Superbowl XXXII he kept a penny that was given to him by 9 year old Brooke from San Diego, who thought he was the greatest football player ever, in his sock. ALL GAME! http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/magazine/specials/sportsman/2007/12/05/point.after1210/index.html

Steve Yzerman:
The longest reigning captain in NFL history, Stevie Y netted 692 goals, 1,063 assists, 3 Stanley Cups, 1 Lester B Pearson award (NHL’s most outstanding player as voted by the NHLPA), 1 Conn Smythe Trophy (MVP in the playoffs), 1 Selke Trophy (NHL’s best defensive forward), 1 Bill Masterson Trophy (Awarded for Perserverance) and an All Star 10 of his 20 years in the NHL. But how about the fact that he changed a young boy who is dying of cancer life? And he didn’t do it for the PR, shutting out the media from all their meetings.
(http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/news/story?id=2717147)

Tim Tebow:
I dare you to find something bad about the 21 year old Heisman winning quarterback from Florida. Aside from 67 touchdowns and 6,390 yards in 3 years his charity resume speaks for itself. Mission trips to the Philippines, speaking to prisoners about living out God’s word. http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/070308/spf_299150840.shtml The only negative feed I’ve been able to find on Tim is that of David Hyman, (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/108914-tim-tebow-worship-biased-unwarranted-and-spinning-out-of-control) and to be honest, the whole article seems more of a pathetic attempt to get hits than anything actually creditable.

And there are plenty more like those.

So to all the athletes that have squandered all the opportunities, money and affection that have been thrown at them. You don’t get to choose if a young child looks up to you or not. Don’t want to be a role  model? Go work for a Grocery store.

Ugh

I hAz wRiTerS bLoK…

Some people just shouldn’t talk…

Nuff said

Just when you think they couldn’t get any worse….

My brotha froma notha motha found this today….Prepare yourself!!!

Strange funny sometimes morbid and gross picture of the day

Proper Ettiquette #21

#21) No parking zone: When you’re done with your order and we have a line that reaches all the way to Boliva, please exit the checkstand. Our customers want to get out of the store, and if they can’t get through because you’re rearranging whatever weapons of mass idiocy you have in your purse/wallet they get annoyed. No parking ticket…but a crowbar upside the head seems a fitting punishment

The first sign of impending doom.

I write today not as a ambassador of awesome but as an American concerned for the future of his country and his countrymen. A fellow American pointed out an occurrence that has been springing up all over the country including Illinois, Indiana and Texas. Now what I first thought was a clever ruse could prove to be more….it could prove to be the very downfall of our existence.

The following article was provided by Yahoo.com so you may credit them for being one of the first few sources to tip us off about the upcoming invasion. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090204/ap_on_re_us/highway_signs_zombies_4 . The people behind such an obvious warning are patriots and should be honored as such. I don’t know I didn’t see this before…it’s so obvious…The only possible conclusion is that Barack Obama is a zombie.

I can feel your skepticism. I know it seems impossible, ridiculous and even preposterous. But when you weigh the facts and look at the overwhelming evidence, is it really? So this concerned American has laid out a list of the facts for your own edification.

First off the name. Barack Obama….Now I have it on good authority from a source that wishes to remain anonymous for fear that his brain will be devoured in a manner most messy, that Barak Obama’s actual name is Zarak Obambie. Now for those of you who can’t read between the lines Zarak Obambie can be broken down into the name of our undead enemies. This is a omen most disturbing no?

Secondly. Within his first few days in office, Obambie overturned the Bush administration’s ban on giving funds to pro abortion campaigns. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090124/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_abortion_ban.  This  makes even more sense now. People have been eating baby animals for years now. Ducks, baby cows, etc are often targeted on the premise that the meat is more succulent at such a young age. So it would stand to reason that if Zarak was a member of the undead that fetuses would be his version of Crunchy Chicks. (ref: http://fable.wikia.com/wiki/Crunchy_Chick See enclosed quote for ethics involved with eating our fluffy little friends.)

Moreover: Zarack Obamie was born in Honolulu, Hawaii. This beautiful tropical paradise was the scene for one of the top three undead uprisings in the world’s history ( http://www.fvza.org/topthree.html ). Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!! Enclosed is a picture taken recently in Hawaii…notice how there’s nobody in the background of the picture? Clearly all victims of his diabolical dietary desires.

Now these 3 indisputable facts can’t be ignored. Don’t believe me? Do your own homework, make up your own mind and come to your own conclusions. But regardless of whether or not you believe me,  do yourself a favor and go buy a book. An old friend of mine bought me said book and it’s saved my life on numerous occasions. It contains all you need to know about surving the upcoming slaughter.

If you don’t heed my warning…don’t come crying to me when our president  slathers you in BBQ sauce and tries to scarf and suckle sauce from said shoulder.